Aftermath: Every Apple announcement ever (A Play in Two Acts)

April 8, 2010

in Apple,Marketing

ACT I:
SCENE: Steve Jobs is standing on stage in front of a giant video screen. The screen is filled with a photo of Apple’s latest innovation – iProduct.

Steve Jobs: Today, we’re releasing iProduct. It can do X and Y and does those things better than anything else out there.

Hater: But it doesn’t do Z! Apple stinks.

Fan: Z isn’t that important. X and Y are really important to me though. I like it.

Hater: You’re so dumb, you don’t even know how important Z is. Product Q has been doing that for years!

Fan: Well, good for Product Q. I don’t need Z. It’s really not that important. I’m sticking with iProduct.

Hater: You’re a zombie. You were brainwashed by marketing. You need a shiny iProduct to make yourself look cool.

Fan: Huh? It just works and does what I need it to do.

Hater: You’re probably too stupid to use Product Q anyway.

(Blackout – End of Act I).

ACT II:
SCENE: Steve Jobs is again standing on stage in front of a giant video screen. This time, the screen behind him shows iProduct version 2.

Steve Jobs: Well, it’s a year later and today, we’re releasing iProduct version 2. It has many innovative new features, including Z.

Hater: I can’t believe all you Mactards are making such a big deal out of this. Product Q has had Z for years.

Fan: It’s cool they added it, but it’s still not important.

Hater: But why are you making such a big deal about it then?

Fan: I’m not. You are.

Hater: Well you SHOULD be. You should be pissed that Apple didn’t add Z a year ago.

Fan: I’m not pissed. In fact, I dont care.

Hater: You would care if you weren’t so stupid.

Fan: If you hate Apple so much, why do you even pay attention?

Hater: Because I can’t stand how Apple gets credit for being innovative. They’re so backward, iProduct can’t even do Z!

Fan: Well, it does Z now.

Hater: See, even Apple thinks I’m right!

Fan: So, I’m the stupid one here?

(Light fades out. End of Act II).

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